


Cats Always Land on Their Feet

by JinjoJess



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: (possibly), Angst, Animal Abuse, Animal Transformation, F/F, Humor, OT3, Other, Possible Character Death, Post-Canon, Wife Squad, or you don't, so you either trust me, tagging this is really tough without spoiling it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22823071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinjoJess/pseuds/JinjoJess
Summary: Dorothea attempts a new, high-level spell and it works a little too well. Edelgard and Satomi (and Hubert) are left to deal with the aftermath.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth, Dorothea Arnault/My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Cats Always Land on Their Feet

**Author's Note:**

> Miss_Prince and I often affectionately refer to the members of Wife Squad by what animals we feel they most resemble. Edelgard is Bird Wife, Satomi is Dog Wife, and Dorothea is Cat Wife. The idea for this fic was born from us looking at cute Edeleth art of them and Hubert interacting with a cat. When I bemoaned how sad I was that Dorothea wasn't included, Miss_Prince suggested that maybe Dorothea _was_ the cat.
> 
> And here we are!
> 
> I hope you will read this story as is, but in case you need a "Does the Dog Die" style breakdown, you can check the notes at the bottom of the fic.
> 
> Someday I'll just make a "Satomi Eisner" tag and be done with it, but until then, please remember that Satomi is my name for f!Byleth.  
> Also I don't know how the English localization handled Petra's speech patterns, so I just took a guess based on how she talks in Japanese. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

“Oh yes,” Petra said, ignoring that the rest of the dinner party conversation that had moved on from the subject of Sylvain being a pig, “in Brigid, everyone is having a personal animal.”

“A personal animal?” Edelgard said, setting her empty wine glass back on the table before her. Without a word, Hubert scooped it up to provide a refill.

“Like a pet?” Satomi asked.

“No, no. Not pet. It is a...how do you say it? Temto? Tontem? Temtem?”

“Totem?” Dorothea helpfully offered.

“It is that! A totem animal.” Petra’s lips spread to reveal a pleased grin. “For example, the totem animal of Bernadetta is a rabbit. Totem of Linhardt is a crane. Caspar is a badger.” 

“Interesting. What is your totem animal then?”

“The totem animal of Petra is a spot tiger.”

“You mean a leopard?”

“Yes!” Petra held up a thumb. “We Brigidese are having the skill to tell what animal is suiting the person.”

“Oooh!” Satomi leaned forward. “What would our totem animals be?”

“Well, obviously the totem of Edelgard is an eagle.”

“Obviously,” Hubert said with a smirk, earning a glare from Edelgard.

“And me?”

“Sensei is canine friend. It is clear.”

Satomi nodded in understanding and leaned back in contentment.

“I can definitely see you as a dog, darling,” Dorothea said with a soft chuckle, “but I imagine I’ll be a bit tougher to pin down.”

“True, I struggle to imagine what animal comes to mind when I think of you,” Edelgard said, eyes sparkling with affection. “It almost seems wrong to assign a beast to you at all.”

“Edel-chan, stop.”

“I disagree. It is easy knowing the totem of Dorothea.” Petra nodded once to herself, failing to continue.

Edelgard exchanged glances with both of her wives.

“Well?”

“Oh. Yes. I was thinking it is too obvious to say. The totem animal of Dorothea is a cat.”

Silence descended over their end of the table. Petra seemed unperturbed, tucking into the pot pie that had just been placed in front of her.

“A...cat?” Dorothea asked, a nervous smile tugging at the edge of her mouth. “Are you sure?”

“Very sure, yes.”

“I mean, I can see it,” Satomi said, tapping her chin. “You’re very flexible.”

Edelgard coughed, a flush having overtaken her cheeks. “Satomi, please. We have guests.”

“Sexual prowess is playing a part, yes, but it is more Dorothea’s feelings that are closely guarded.” Petra paused to take another bite of pie. “Dorothea is a person showing affection often but showing vulnerability only privately. She is not like Bernadetta; her stomach is only shown to most intimate people.”

“I suppose,” Edelgard said quickly, cutting off whatever Satomi had been about to say, “when you phrase it that way, I can see the resemblance. You do play your true feelings very close to your vest, dearest.”

“We’ve only been married for a year and a half and you already know me so well?” Dorothea reached over to place her right hand over Edelgard’s left. She curled her fingers to reach into Edelgard’s glove and caress the back of her bare hand. 

“Plus, you’re very graceful,” Satomi added from across the table from Dorothea. 

“Good, complimentary, kind wife,” Dorothea said.

Satomi smiled back warmly. A wagging tail certainly wouldn’t have been out of place.

“Cats are also always landing foot-side down,” Petra said. “Just like Dorothea.”

*******

“Dorothea!” Satomi screamed, throwing her full weight against the door of Dorothea’s cabinet. “Please, if you’re alive, say something!”

“Dearest,” Edelgard said, her palm flat against the wood of the door, “we’re worried. I heard the explosion all the way across the grounds.”

The only answer from within the private room was a high-pitched whine.

“Hubert,” Edelgard said, readying herself to help Satomi break down the locked door, “what did the note say?”

“It reads, ‘Attempting a new spell. Do not disturb.’”

“Is it possible that an incorrectly cast spell could be fatal?”

“That depends on the spell, My Lady.” The tremor in Hubert’s voice was subtle--like a wrinkle in a patterned sheet. Invisible to someone who wasn’t looking for it. 

Satomi and Edelgard smashed their shoulders into the door simultaneously, tearing the wood from its hinges. 

Dorothea’s cabinet was not as orderly and neat as Edelgard’s boudoir, but it was a far sight better than Satomi’s personal guardhouse. Right now, however, it was a complete mess: books, sheet music, and lavish costumes strewn all over the floor. It resembled the aftermath of a violent storm, only contained to a single room.

Satomi tore through the clutter wordlessly, while Edelgard called for Dorothea.

Abruptly, Satomi stopped in one of the corners, between two bookcases, the satin skirt of a dress in one hand. 

“It can’t be…” she whispered, eyes on whatever lay beneath the pile of outfits.

Edelgard felt her mouth go dry. If Satomi had just discovered Dorothea’s corpse, she wasn’t sure she could handle seeing it. 

“Did you find her?” she asked instead, unable to keep her voice from cracking on the final syllable. 

“I think so.”

Satomi stood, something small and dark in her arms. It was far too small to be Dorothea herself, and for one horrific moment, Edelgard assumed that Satomi was instead holding what was left of her.

“Is that…” Hubert said, stepping into the room to stand behind Edelgard, “...a cat?”

Edelgard blinked, her vision clearing. Hubert was right; what Satomi was cradling was not in fact Dorothea’s head or a bloody chunk of her flesh. Instead, it was a cat with dark gray-blue fur. 

“It’s Dorothea,” Satomi said, hugging the animal tighter.

“Dear,” Edelgard said, her voice firm. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not.”

“That isn’t our wife; that’s a cat.”

“El, look at her. She doesn’t look like any of the other cats in the castle.”

As true as that might have been--all the cats on the premises for the purpose of mousing were either tabby or calico--it simply wasn’t possible that this cat was Dorothea. 

“The note on the door said that she was attempting a spell. What if it was a transformation spell?”

“I’ve never heard of a transformation spell.”

“My Lady, you have seen evidence of transformation before your very eyes.”

“That was different, Hubert. They weren’t even human.”

“I am not necessarily agreeing with Lady Satomi, but at this moment, we do not have enough evidence to dismiss either possibility.”

“That may be true, but I know that this is Dorothea.” Satomi looked down on the cat with an affectionate smile.

Edelgard snorted.

“You don’t even know if that cat is female.”

“Allow me to check, Your Majesty.” Hubert stepped forward and reached for the cat’s hind legs. The cat hissed, batting Hubert’s hand away, claws bared.

“Come on, Hubert,” Satomi said, gently scratching the cat under the chin, earning a purr. “You know D wouldn’t let you look at her like that.”

“Lady Satomi…” Hubert sighed.

“Sorry about that, my love,” Satomi told the cat, turning toward the wall. “This will only take a second, and it’s just to show El. You’re okay with her seeing, right? It’s nothing she hasn’t seen plenty of times before.”

“Satomi, please.” Edelgard reluctantly walked beside Satomi, who was gently lifting the cat’s tail. “You cannot be serious about this.”

“See, El? Told you.”

“I… While I do concede that this is indeed a female cat, that is hardly proof that this is our wife in feline form.”

“Don’t take that too personally, Dorothea,” Satomi told the cat, now stroking her back and eliciting even louder purring. “El will come around.”

Edelgard glanced at Hubert, standing in the middle of the room. He rolled his eyes, but pointedly looked at the mess strewn about, including the conspicuous burn in the center of the floor.

_If this is how she has to grieve, let her. At least for now._

Exhaling through her nose, Edelgard squeezed Satomi’s shoulder before stepping out of the cabinet and making a beeline for her own boudoir. 

*******

A week later, Edelgard had to admit that Satomi’s insistence had progressed from sad and vaguely charming, in a uniquely Satomi fashion, to frustrating.

How was Edelgard to grieve the loss of one of her wives while the surviving one spent all of her time in denial, carrying around some mangy feline?

Satomi took the cat with her everywhere--to her daily drills, to her patrol around the castle grounds, to her favorite fishing hole on the edge of the forest. The cat had even been permitted to eat that the dining table and sleep at the foot of their bed, despite Edelgard’s strong opposition.

“Dorothea, it’s your turn to sleep in the middle,” Satomi said, trying to coax the cat to lie between her and Edelgard.

“Dear,” Edelgard said, reaching out to stroke Satomi’s hair and tuck it behind her ear with a gentle scratch. Satomi leaned her head into Edelgard’s touch with a content smile. Petra had certainly been onto something with regards to her totem animal.

“Yes?”

“I think we need to have a discussion. About Dorothea.”

The cat rose and padded to the edge of the mattress.

“There are more polite ways to ask her to leave for a bit,” Satomi said.

Edelgard tapped between her eyes for a moment before replying. 

“Satomi.”

“It’s okay, love, just give us a minute, okay? You know El’s having a difficult time with this.” Satomi got up from bed to open the door and allow the cat into the hallway. “Don’t worry, she still loves you. It’s just an adjustment.”

After closing the door and returning to bed, Satomi frowned.

“This is much harder on her than it is on us, you know. Would it kill you to be a little more sympathetic?”

“Satomi, please. I know that you don’t want to face the reality of what happened to Dorothea, but this isn’t healthy.”

“What do you mean? You’re the one who isn’t facing reality.” 

“Dear… Sooner or later you’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that Dorothea is dead.” Edelgard felt bile rise in her throat at saying the words aloud. “I understand that we grieve differently, but this behavior is really beginning to worry me.”

“I’m glad that we asked D to step out before you started on this,” Satomi said, tone sharp and hard in the way she barked orders on the battlefield. 

_This is it,_ Edelgard thought. _This is what finally breaks her._ She and Dorothea had suspected for years that their beloved wife skirted the line of madness--Satomi had mentioned on more than one occasion that she’d heard the voice of the goddess in her head--and it seemed that Dorothea’s death was the final blow her poor sanity just couldn’t withstand. 

Of course, it wasn’t as if losing Dorothea hadn’t affected Edelgard. She’d spent the last week sequestered in her boudoir, poring over letters and sketches. She’d even done the unthinkable and skimmed the most recent entries of Dorothea’s current journal to see if there was any indication of what spell she’d been working on, but the references to the mystery spell were little more than vague apprehensions about the undertaking.

The night after they’d discovered the cat, Hubert had quietly handed Edelgard the handwritten note from the door of Dorothea’s cabinet. It was the final message she’d left for them, and as befitting such an important relic, Edelgard had pressed it into one of her larger sketchbooks. 

The night before, she’d been studying the strokes, trying to discern some kind of clue, when a horrible realization had dawned on her.

It was something she desperately didn’t want to verbalize, but holding onto this terrible knowledge was too much. Edelgard had hoped she’d be able to confide in her remaining partner, but clearly Satomi would not take it seriously, at least not right now.

“I’m sorry. You aren’t ready to discuss this yet, and I shouldn’t push you.”

Satomi’s expression softened. “She’s not dead, El.”

Warm, strong arms circled Edelgard and pulled her close. 

Edelgard smiled sadly into Satomi’s collarbone. “I would love to believe that.”

*******

With both of her usual emotional outlets indisposed, Edelgard settled on the next best thing.

“Hubert,” she said, entering the library the following morning.

“Yes, my lady?”

The original words died on Edelgard’s lips as she looked at the spell circle drawn on the wooden floor in stark white chalk. The cat sat obediently in the center of the circle, toying with a frayed piece of cloth.

“What are you doing?” she asked instead.

“An experiment,” Hubert answered, not looking up from his book. “To see if I can restore Ms. Arnault to her original form.”

“Oh no, not you too.”

“Ms. Arnault is my dearest friend, Your Majesty. I must admit that this endeavor is not entirely for your sake, but I hope you can forgive my selfishness as it aligns with a common goal.”

“That isn’t what I meant.” Edelgard pinched the bridge of her nose. “You and I both know that that cat is not Dorothea.”

“Forgive me for the correction, Resplendent One, but we actually do not have any proof one way or the other.”

“Aside from common sense, you mean?”

The edges of Hubert’s mouth twitched. “You are the last person I would expect to espouse the virtues of ‘common sense’.”

Edelgard sighed. “I wish you two would allow me to process my grief in peace.”

“So long as there is a chance that the grief is unnecessary, I shall toil on.”

“Hubert,” Edelgard said, moving to stand beside him, her eyes on the cat. “I have had an awful thought, and I cannot bear to keep it to myself.”

“I shall set off to handle the assassination as soon as I complete the experiment.”

“No, I was thinking about the whole situation--Dorothea left a note on the door asking not to be disturbed while working on a new spell, but she’d made no mention of wanting to expand her repertoire. At least not to me.”

Hubert nodded. “It was a surprise to me as well, Your Majesty.”

“And even when I checked through her journals…” Edelgard paused to glance at Hubert’s profile, but if he were making a judgement about that statement, his expression did not hint as such. “She didn’t explicitly name the spell she wanted to learn, she just expressed some anxiety and hesitation regarding the attempt itself. She seemed especially concerned we'd find out what she was up to, and about casting on herself. Dorothea hasn’t used much high-level magic in years, aside from a few…key spells…”

This time Hubert did smirk.

Edelgard felt her ears burn crimson. 

“At any rate, it did make me wonder if perhaps she had an ulterior motive.”

Hubert paused mid-page turn. He looked up from the book toward the cat, who was now stretched out on the floor.

“I would imagine that Ms. Arnault would leave a slightly more poetic suicide note than ‘Do Not Disturb.’”

“But what if--”

Hubert snapped the book shut with a crisp clap.

“I still believe it is a bit too early to reach a conclusion. Perhaps you need some air, my lady.”

*******

It only took about six or so hours for Edelgard to heed Hubert’s suggestion. Dusk had already begun to seep from the horizon by the time she left her boudoir and headed to the imperial gardens.

She passed most of the flower beds, skillfully avoiding the fated tree where the three of them had been married, before pausing to weigh which direction to head. Edelgard did not normally make a habit of walking without a destination; her steps felt weak and unsure. 

Focusing on a distant point in the darkening sky, Edelgard forced her feet back into motion. Like a shark, all that mattered was to keep moving. Eventually, she found herself standing at the entrance to a walled-in area: the tea garden.

She passed through the arched entryway and took a seat at the white metal table placed in the center of the beds. Aside from the various plants required for the Hresvelg blend, there were a few sections dedicated to additives. The one in the corner housed the cinnamon tree Edelgard and her older sister Heidelinde had planted, a small hive for beekeeping that had existed for all of Edelgard’s memory, and an apple tree.

The apple tree was the youngest by far, having only been transplanted from a famous orchard about a year ago, in late summer, when Satomi had mentioned that Dorothea’s favorite tea was apple blend. 

Edelgard felt her heart twist in pain. She had never even gotten the chance to prepare tea for Dorothea using the apples from this tree. She had intended to, of course, but by the time the apples were ripe, she’d been so busy with visits to other parts of Fodlan, and strong-arming the gentry into taking responsibility for the larger community…

“If I had made you the tea, would you still be here?” Edelgard’s voice sounded odd to her ears, as if her own throat had somehow gone out of tune. 

Though she hadn’t expected an answer, the tree responded. One of the branches shook, leaves coming loose and falling to the ground.

Edelgard watched a blue-gray shadow streak down the trunk of the tree and leap onto the table before her.

It was the cat, a red apple in her mouth.

“What are you doing with that?” Edelgard asked before she could stop herself. 

The cat silently placed the apple down on the table before sitting back up to begin grooming herself. 

“You know, people much more powerful than you have lost their heads for taking unauthorized souvenirs from this garden.”

The cat didn’t pause in her deliberate licking of her chest fur. 

“If nothing else, I admire your bravado.” 

Edelgard drummed her fingers against the table, eyes flicking between the apple and the cat. It was objectively silly, she knew, to be speaking to this small beast as if it were a human. It wasn’t as if the cat could understand anything Edelgard was saying to it. 

Well, at least as far as she knew. She had to admit that her education had not covered much with regards to animal intelligence outside of how it could be applied in battle.

Still, it felt nice to have someone to talk to. Raw grief roiled beneath her skin, seeking an exit like steam desperate to escape a teapot. If Dorothea was gone, and neither Satomi nor Hubert emotionally prepared to listen, then Edelgard supposed there was no harm in unloading on the cat.

“Allow me to apologize for how I’ve been treating you,” she said. “I promise that I am usually more hospitable. You see, you just happened to arrive at a very inconvenient time.”

Edelgard chewed her lower lip for a moment. Was that really how she was thinking of Dorothea’s death? As an inconvenience? 

“Perhaps that isn’t the best description. I am not usually one to exaggerate, but dealing with all of this has been...challenging, let’s say.”

The cat had moved on to grooming her front leg.

“I’m no stranger to outliving loved ones, but this...event has felt particularly cruel. We married Dorothea, what, a little over two years ago? And she’s already widowed us.”

Could she and Satomi be considered proper widows if they were still alive for each other?

“Perhaps you wouldn’t necessarily frame it that way, but regardless, I am heartbroken.”

Edelgard watched the cat proceed to groom the rest of herself. There was a sense of freedom, she decided, in speaking frankly to a listener who didn’t understand a word you were saying. 

“I loved her. I still love her, even though she’s gone and our marriage is at this point legally dissolved. It’s just so much, and I don’t know what to do now.”

Grooming finished, the cat yawned and curled her legs beneath her body, fixing Edelgard with a half-lidded stare. For the first time, Edelgard noticed that the cat’s eyes were a vivid yellow-green.

“Satomi is convinced that you are Dorothea, and won’t listen to sense. She’s even drawn Hubert into the madness. I understand that they’re both attempting to cope, but my pain needs to go somewhere. Especially since there’s a possibility that Dorothea intentionally...”

Edelgard felt burning behind her eyes, the shape of the cat before her losing definition as tears clouded her vision. 

This is not what she wanted to do right now; breaking down in the tea garden because of a one-sided conversation was not something she’d planned for the day.

“I appreciate you being a good listener,” she said instead, standing up from the table. “Despite her ridiculous idea that you’re our wife, Satomi has still proven herself a good judge of character.”

*******

Though Edelgard made a valiant attempt to avoid anything upsetting in the following few days, it wasn’t long before she found herself alone once again with the Cat That Was Not Dorothea.

For some arcane reason, whenever this happened, Edelgard could not stop herself from talking. It was if she’d been stabbed and she just couldn’t staunch the bleeding. Unlike a wound, however, she often felt refreshed afterward, lighter, as if a small piece of the heavy weight resting on her soul had been chipped away.

“You know,” Edelgard said one evening, reaching up from her portrait doodle to scratch the cat under her chin, “Dorothea would have liked you.”

“El?” Satomi’s voice echoed from the hallway.

Edelgard’s hand abruptly dropped from the fur, instead waving in the cat’s face to shoo her. Part of Edelgard felt bad for not offering such a trusted confidant a more dignified dismissal, but the last thing she could bear would be for Satomi or Hubert to discover what she’d been up to.

“Yes, dear?”

“You’re in here, huh,” Satomi said, entering the drawing room. “I thought you'd still be holed up in the broodoir. Working on something?”

Edelgard forced her jaw to relax, keeping her voice as airy as possible. 

“Oh this? It’s nothing much, just a sketch. It’s very messy.”

Satomi grinned and walked to the desk. “Can I see?”

“I suppose.”

Satomi looked over Edelgard’s shoulder. She reached down to touch her fingertips to the paper.

“Looks a little like a cross between Dorothea and me.”

“It is. Today I was thinking about…” Edelgard trailed off. She’d begun to describe the subject of the drawing without thinking about how it might sound out loud. 

Satomi squeezed Edelgard from behind, planting a gentle kiss on her temple. 

“Don’t worry. We’ll find a way to change her back, and then we’ll each have a baby with her.”

“Satomi, you know that can’t happen.”

“Oh stop. I know about the secret imperial spell for heir-making. Hubert told Dorothea and me about it last year.”

“That’s not why--”

“ _Mrrrroooow._ ”

“Dorothea! I didn’t see you there. Did El show you her concept art for our daughter?” Satomi scooped up the cat from underneath the desk, holding her over the paper. “We’ll be lucky if she takes more after you, I think.”

Edelgard clenched the charcoal in her fist. She felt it crack between her fingers.

“Satomi.”

“My lady, I hate to interrupt, but you have a caller at the entrance.”

Thankful enough for the distraction to consider prayer, Edelgard stood from the chair and pushed past Satomi and the cat.

*******

“You didn’t need to follow me to the foyer,” Edelgard said.

“Don’t be silly. D and I are behind you all the way.”

“I wish you would stop that.”

“Supporting you?”

“No, referring to the cat as… Never mind.”

 _The guest,_ Edelgard reminded herself.

The woman waiting by the front door exuded an imposing presence; even seeing her from the landing of the grand staircase, Edelgard felt dwarfed in comparison. The woman seemed to tower over everyone else in the room. 

Her armor was the dull red of Imperial infantry, though the ornate helmet tucked under her arm and the golden insignia welded to her breastplate marked her as an officer. A hairline scar extended one half of the woman's lips, curving upward into her cheek. It looked like a lop-sided smile.

The woman pressed her fist to her heart and bent from the waist as Edelgard descended the stairs, holding a rigid bow. Edelgard did not relish these moments, but she knew it was important to keep up an appearance of strength at all times. She was not a woman to these people, she was a symbol. 

If only her surviving wife, to whom Edelgard was extremely human, weren't standing behind her, holding a purring cat. 

"Your Majesty," the soldier said, voice dripping with awe and admiration. Edelgard noted the distinct, bruise-like pattern of a dark magic scar on her hand. "I am not worthy to stand in your presence, O Exalted One. May your reign be eternal."

 _Good Goddess, I hope not._ Edelgard was glad the bow prevented this woman (whom she was growing ever more certain was a war veteran) from seeing her roll her eyes. 

"No need for such formality," Edelgard said, looking to her left where Hubert gestured to her, "Lieutenant."

The soldier straightened, scarred hand still pressed to her breastplate. 

"I bring troubling news."

Of course. 

No one in battle armor ever brought anything else. 

"Let's hear it."

"I'm afraid we have discovered a plot to assassinate you, My Liege."

Hubert nodded in acknowledgement. Yes, yes, and we can expect heavy rains during the Garland Moon. The sun rises in the East. 

"I'm afraid I will need more details than just that," he said. 

Despite Hubert employing his chilliest tone, the lieutenant did not flinch. Impressive. 

Edelgard turned to commend Satomi on promoting this soldier, but she looked confused, squinting at the woman in armor as if trying to figure out where she knew her from. 

On second thought, Edelgard made a mental note to commend Shamir on the decision, since clearly Satomi had either not made it herself, or had forgotten. 

Either was equally plausible. 

"Your Majesty!" the lieutenant gasped, seizing Edelgard from behind and pulling her from the front door. 

There was a small pop, followed by the roar of a flame and the crackle of thunder. Smoke and dust flooded the entryway, sealing it into its own space, a cocoon of noise and panic. 

Edelgard coughed, noting that Satomi had finally dropped the cat, her sword drawn. Beside her, dark purplish black magic brewed at Hubert's fingertips. 

"What are you waiting for?" Edelgard cried, moving to unsheath her dagger. Under normal circumstances, she would be armed with her axe, but the last few weeks had left her in a perpetual state of sloppy unease. 

In the edge of her vision, the lieutenant's left arm pulled back, rings of light circling her wrist. 

Aura. 

At this close a range, it very well could kill. And even if it didn't, it would leave her severely wounded and at the mercy of the sword in the soldier's opposite hand. 

Satomi and Hubert were fast, but neither would strike without assurance that they wouldn't hit Edelgard. 

_Dorothea, dearest, I’ll see you soon..._

"Enjoy hell, vile traitor, slayer of Seiros!" The woman's white scar tissue stood out against her flushed face. "The Damned Emperor is dead! Long live the Chur--" 

Edelgard did not have words to properly describe the sound the woman made when the cat leapt on her face, claws first. It was some kind of unholy combination of a groan and a scream, exploding from her throat. 

The cat hissed, the claws on one paw driven deeply into the woman’s good cheek, its other front paw slashing wildly. 

The woman had dropped her sword in surprise, but the aura spell was still swirling around her free hand. In a panic, the woman grabbed for the cat, aura connecting with its back and eliciting a high-pitched squeal.

Seconds after the cat dropped from her face, the woman was engulfed by violet slime and run through by Satomi’s blade.

“El!” Satomi cried as the woman’s body crumpled.

“I’m fine,” Edelgard said, adrenaline still pulsing through her. The dagger was still clutched in her fist, her knuckles surely white beneath her gloves. “But…”

“Dorothea!” Satomi sobbed, dropping to her knees to scoop the limp body of the cat into her arms. She pressed her cheek into the cat’s singed fur. “You idiot! Why didn’t you let me handle it?”

“It would have been too late,” Hubert said, his hands deftly rifling through the fresh corpse’s pockets. 

Edelgard slowly knelt beside Satomi, grabbing her shoulder for balance.

“Is she…?”

“She’s alive,” Satomi said, voice thick and trembling. “But only just.”

Despite the stiffness in her joints, Edelgard worked the glove off her hand, reaching for the cat with trembling fingers.

Her older brother Bertrand--a quiet, solemn young man more at home in a stable than in the castle--had told her once that cats could not be considered properly domesticated. 

_“Listen, El. Cats aren’t like dogs or horses. They feel no obligation to be social, or to heed their masters. They only help when they want to. That doesn’t mean they’re cold, though. It takes time, and patience, but you can build a strong bond with a cat. Once you do, you’ll find the cat will do things for you more often. Not because they have to, but because they want to.”_

Six months ago, Petra had told them about totem animals.

“Dorothea,” Edelgard whispered, her fingertips buried in the cat’s soft fur. “It is you, isn’t it?”

Satomi looked up in surprise. 

“Oh, dearest,” Edelgard said, leaning closer. Tears were inevitable now, but who cared? “You were here the whole time.”

The cat shifted at Edelgard’s touch with pained mewling.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The words caught in Edelgard’s throat, but she forced them out regardless. The trickles staining her cheeks seeped into her mouth and she tasted salt. “Just please, please don’t go.”

“Maybe we can heal her?” Satomi said, but Hubert shook his head.

“There’s no time.”

Edelgard’s lips curled back, exposing her teeth. How stupid she was, letting herself get carried away with unnecessary grief. If only she’d trusted Satomi, she wouldn’t have wasted these final weeks.

“Dorothea!” she cried.

“Edel-chan?”

Every muscle in Edelgard’s body froze. Satomi, stunned, was looking over her shoulder at something behind her. Hubert too had abruptly stopped, his lips parted in disbelief. 

“What is going on here?” came the voice again from behind Edelgard. “Why is there a dead soldier in the entryway?”

It had been weeks, but not long enough for Edelgard’s memory of her wife’s voice to fade. 

She focused her vision on the wheezing cat before her. 

“Dorothea?”

“Yes, darling?”

Satomi’s face lit up then, like the sun drifting from behind a raincloud. 

“Dorothea!” she yelled. “You’re alive!”

“Last I checked, yes.”

Footsteps grew closer, and Edelgard was wrapped in a familiar fragrance. Rose perfume. 

“What do you have there--Goddess! What happened to that poor thing?”

Edelgard remained rigid as a slim, graceful figure crouched beside her, casting physic on the cat. It responded with a choked purr.

The gentle warmth of the healing spell washed over Edelgard, Dorothea’s hand clasping hers.

“Are you alright, Edel-chan?” Dorothea smiled, but concern shaded her eyes. 

Edelgard turned to look at her. It was Dorothea--every hair and detail was perfectly in place, down to the way her smile caused Edelgard’s heartbeat to quicken. 

“I… We thought…” Her gaze shifted from Dorothea to the cat and back again.

“You thought that cat was me?”

Satomi took hold of Dorothea’s forearm. “So you weren’t trying out a transformation spell?”

Dorothea’s eyebrows shot upward, a loud laugh erupting from her stomach. 

“No, no! I wouldn’t even know where to begin to learn about transformation.” She trailed off into a series of chuckles. “I was actually trying to learn warp.”

“Warp?” Hubert asked, his mouth gingerly handling the word, as if it were a curse. “Whatever for?”

“Our friends are spread all over the continent, Hugh. I prefer self-sufficiency when I can manage it, so rather than rely on Lin or Lysie or Senpai every time, I decided to try and figure out how to warp myself.”

“Did it work?” Satomi asked.

Dorothea grimaced. “Yes and no. I did successfully manage to teleport myself, but my calibration was way off. I had intended to go surprise Bell-chan in Varley, but I ended up all the way up near the ruins of Garreg Mach. Do you have any idea how badly maintained those mountain paths are now?”

“And you walked all the way back?” Hubert said.

“Well, I wasn’t going to attempt to warp again.” Dorothea cut her laugh short and cleared her throat. “I do apologize for worrying you, though.”

Hubert sniffed. “Do not trouble yourself on my account. I barely noticed your absence.”

“Mm hm, I’m sure.”

“Dorothea,” Edelgard said, her voice hoarse. 

“Yes?” She frowned. “Edel-chan, I really am sorry about this. I should have warned you that I was going to try it out, but part of me wanted to be able to surprise you.”

Wordlessly, Edelgard lunged forward, pulling Dorothea into a tight embrace. She twisted her fingers in her hair, pressed her face to her neck, and cried. 

For minutes, Edelgard cried. The sensation of bleeding was back, but just as it had been while talking to the cat, it felt refreshing rather than draining. Her mouth refused to form words, merely gasps and soft moans, every so often one of the syllables of Dorothea’s name.

She was vaguely aware of Dorothea’s arms wrapping around her, and Satomi’s body heat joining theirs. Distantly, she heard Hubert’s voice call for servants to remove the body from the entryway and store it somewhere else to be examined. The cat’s fur brushed against Edelgard’s wrist, though it felt as though it were happening to someone else entirely.

It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. 

Dorothea was home, feet planted firmly on the ground.

*******

Just as Edelgard had predicted, the Cat Who Now Had Been Proven to Not Be Dorothea got along famously with her human counterpart. 

Soubrette, as she came to be named, could often be found in Dorothea’s lap or playing around her feet while she worked. While she still accompanied Satomi to the fishing hole and kept Edelgard company in the drawing room, Soubrette clearly had a preference for Dorothea.

“You’ve spent mere days with her to our weeks,” Edelgard said one evening over dinner, watching Dorothea cut a small sliver of salmon from her own meal to offer to Soubrette. “How have you become so close already?”

“Who knows?” Dorothea answered, stroking Soubrette between the ears. “We just understand one another.”

“One cat to another,” Satomi said with a decisive nod.

Edelgard huffed, though she couldn’t untwist her lips from the smile they’d formed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading Working Title: Literal Cat Wife!
> 
>  **Does the ~~Dog~~ Cat Die Notes**  
> \- the cat does not die, though she does get badly injured at one point  
> \- Dorothea does not die either  
> \- the ending is ultimately happy


End file.
